A Blighted Ovum??

This is the roller coaster story of this pregnancy......

On May 2nd, I took a pregnancy test and the result was this.....

We were really excited for baby #2!!!!

Then, I called the doctor and set up an appointment for May 12th. Then, on May 8th (a Friday), I started spotting. This was very irregular for me, I thought. It never happened at all with Reed. So, going from experience, I got really nervous since it was not the same as with Reed. I called the doctor and it turns out that they are not open on Fridays, but there is always one doctor on-call. I talked to him and he instructed me to lie down and do as little as possible. I got a blessing from Tyson that just helped me to be more calm about the whole situation.

Saturday rolled around and I wasn't really spotting anymore - phew. I talked to the doctor again and he said to call if I had any cramping pains. Luckily, I did not.

I went to my appointment on the 12th and they took my blood and all the fun tests they do with that. I got a call the next day saying that it was a confirmed pregnancy! Yahoo! We thought the drama was done and I could stop worrying.

So, we set up an appointment for the next week, May 19th, to have a sonogram and figure out the due date of the baby. Since going off the birth control we had been using, I had not had a period, so the guess was that I was about 11 weeks or so.

Then, May 16th, I spotted a little bit more. I was again, really nervous, since I had not experience this with Reed at all.

The doctor's appointment the next Tuesday came not quick enough. Tyson and I were anxious to see the little bean. So, when we started the sonogram, I knew right away there was a problem - there was no baby in the sack! The doctor looked around and looked around and asked us some questions. Then, he said something that I had never heard before - it could be a blighted ovum. He also said it could just be too early since we didn't know when I was ovulating. Basically, a blighted ovum is when everything goes towards making a sack for a baby, but it never creates a baby inside of it. I was absolutely crushed. I just cried when I got home and could not believe it.

I looked up information online and even saw some stories of women who had been told that they had a blighted ovum and then at 9 weeks, there was a baby with a heart beat. I remember thinking that maybe this could be me. But, I was trying to not think too far ahead because I had another follow-up appointment the next Tuesday to see if anything had resulted within one week.

I got a call about a day later reporting that my hormone levels had increased (good sign) but not as much as they should have (not good). This doctor (a different one from the one who has done the sonogram) basically told me to prepare to have a miscarriage because it was highly likely that I had a blighted ovum. I was furious with him for talking to me like that. I guess I would have liked a little sympathy because it is quite a blow to hear something like that. He did not give me any. I actually considered changing my OB/GYN, but I really liked the other 2 doctors, so I decided to stay with these doctors (I have to see all 3 throughout pregnancy, because 1 of the 3 will deliver me, but it will just be whoever is on-call). The darkness began to really sink in, and I began to feel like a failure.

I know that sounds kind of funny, feeling like you are a failure over a failed pregnancy, but I just did. I have always wanted to be a mom so badly. I had also had a distinct impression that a baby needed to come to our family around the time it would have come. I also began questioning my ability as a parent and my righteousness - all those things that they tell you never to question over something like this. I knew, logically, that these sort of things happen all the time, but my heart was just so broken. I was trying to be strong, but again, felt like I was failing.

I began to semi-understand what it means in the scriptures when women talk about how they need to have children or else they die. I kind of felt similar. I know that I was designed to have children and I want to very much. So, possibly being denied that opportunity was a blow to me as a woman and mother. I also was beginning to understand all the women I had read about that had been diagnosed with a blighted ovum. I just wanted it to be over - meaning, if it was a blighted ovum, I wanted to miscarry and if it was not, I wanted to know. I am not the most patient person in the world. I was still feeling nauseous and wanted to know if it was for an actual baby or not.

I got another blessing from Tyson that blessed me with comfort to handle whatever was going to happen. That really helped and I grateful to a husband who worthily holds the Priesthood and is willing to use it to benefit his family.

We had one more doctor's appointment on May 26th, the day before flying to Las Vegas to see Tyson's brother (just got back from Russia). I was nervous and honestly, did not know what the outcome would be. However, I knew it would be ok. Being comforted always amazes me!

When the doctor did the sonogram it was VERY clear. There was a baby with a perfectly normal, heart beat! I just queezed Tyson's hands and said a silent prayer of gratitude. We determined that I was 7 weeks 5 days.....so, about 4 weeks behind where they thought I was. The doctor just said, "You see what can happen in one week. We were just a little bit too early." I was so excited that there actually was a baby in there!

So, we went to Las Vegas with good news, instead of heart-breaking news. But, in my mind and heart, I can still remember some of those feelings during the weeks of May. They were some of the most soberin weeks of my life. I am truly grateful for this next baby and get to hear the heart beat on Thursday for the first time!