The Walker Family: Aria in October

Showing off the cute sweater that Grandma Rowberry brought over. October 3, 2011

October was probably one of the most stressful months of my life, thus far - mostly due to my own worries about little miss Aria. To start off with, she was fussier than my other babies combined. It seemed like she was always crying - whether it was hunger, pain, boredom, or being bothered by older siblings. That stressed me out. But, I tried to keep calm as best I could. Next, she was a fussier eater than the other two as well. She only like to nurse on one side, didn't nurse for very long, and didn't seem like she was getting enough to eat (although she would still go at least 3 hours before eating again, no matter how much I tried to get to eat sooner). That had me worried because milk production is directly related to how much the baby eats. I just didn't feel like she was eating very much at all. I also wasn't sleeping very well at night despite being exhausted. Sleep is something that my body definitely need to function well and happily. Lastly, I got what other moms call "mommy guilt": feeling awful because I was not spending the time I wanted with Reed and Eve because Aria seemed to be taking up all my time. So, yeah, October was one very long month!

One thing more than anything had me worried in the middle of October - Aria had only gained 2 ounces over a 3-week period! Here's the story (somewhat condensed):

I had taken Aria in because of a rash at the end of September and she weighed 8 pounds 4 ounces. When I took her in on the 12th of October she weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces. (Technically it was her 2-month visit, although she was not two months yet). Her height and head circumference were fine, but the weight was a worry. I remember sitting in the doctor's office and starting to cry. I just felt so overwhelmed that I didn't know what to do. The doctor said, "It's not your fault." I guess I knew that, but it sure felt like my fault since I am the one in charge of feeing her (but again, I had tried to get her to eat and she would not). To make matters worse I had been late to the appointment (I hate being late) because I had gotten lost coming from a bread store to the appointment and I was late to my doctor's appointment which was right after Aria's. The worst part was Tyson was out-of-town on his hunting trip and I couldn't get ahold of him for 8 hours! I was a wreck!

We had gone over possibilities of reasons why Aria might not be gaining weight: sickness (which in hindsight is probably the reason), silent reflux (we tried baby Zantac), my milk production (not that - I pumped out enough when she refused to eat), not enough calories in my milk (once tested, caloric value was fine), allergies/colic (also a contributor). The doctor prescribed the Zantac (per my request)and told me to come back in one week to have a weight check. He also reminded me to pump a little to make sure my milk supply was up and to keep trying to feed her often. I went to my next appointment worried sick. My doctor's appointment was fine and then I left to go home.

I tried to get ahold of Tyson, but I thought he was on the airplane or out-of-range or something. Turns out, his phone battery was dead. I called my mom and my dad and neither answered. I didn't call anyone else for a while (in hindsight: I should have called someone just to get it out). I went home cried and then picked Reed up from preschool. When we got home I cried some more and prayed a lot. I don't remember who called me first - my mom or my dad, but they called and I just bawled on the phone - so scared and nervous that my little baby was failing to thrive (although the doctor never said that) and something awful was going to happen. I went to get the baby Zantac and thankfully, Tammy Iverson (YW president in my ward) had offered to bring a meal for us (this was before we knew this would be one of the worst days ever - talk about inspiration) and I was so thankful!

The next few days were blurs of crying, trying to get Aria to eat (and she did start to eat!), worrying, talking to Tyson, talking to my parents, talking to my mother-in-law, and attempting to do something with my other children. My parents made a few trips to my house, for which I am eternally grateful, and my dad gave Aria and myself blessings. When Tyson got home from hunting in South Dakota, I felt such a sense of relief that I didn't have to do this alone anymore. I called my brother, Justin (the pediatrician), and told him the saga. I don't know why I didn't call earlier - I guess I didn't want to feel like a bother because I always call for medical questions. He calmed me down more and gave me tips on things to do. He said to feed on both sides, but lie the baby on the same side when she is feeding. This probably helped the most! He also said to keep her propped up after eating, to stop worrying, to pump if she refused to eat, to not try too many things at once (eliminating too many things at once), and just take things one day at a time. He calmed me down a ton!

Fast forward to October 19, 2011 - the weight check, Aria's 2-month birthday :) It was a much better day! She weighed in at 9 pounds and 2.5 ounces! A weight gain of 10.5 ounces in one week! Something was working out and she was finally eating. A huge sense of relief for me, but I was still worried because I am used to babies gaining weight quickly in the first 4 months or so. I ended up borrowing my friend's digital scale and it helped me to calm down and realize that she may just be a small baby.

The next week I was at the doctor again for Aria because I found bright red blood in her stool! Man, I just can't catch a break with this one! The doctor I saw (not the regular doctor) said it might be a fissure or hemorrhoid, which it was not. Poor baby had a rectal exam :( Good news is that she had gained another 4.5 ounces in that week. I went away from that appointment not truly satisfied. I was going to watch the bloody stools to see how consistent they were. I had another doctor's appointment set up with my doctor for November 14 just to make sure Aria was still gaining weight.

To make a long story even longer - October was stressful and November was a bit better! I had learned a lot of patience, but am still not very patient. I want results yesterday! I did have to give up soy as well (more stories to come, but this is getting long) and the bloody stools stopped - thankfully. I have also come to terms with the fact that Aria is just a skinny baby - that is ok. It took me a while to me ok with that (I know that sounds funny, but it did - it's just not what I am used to), but I am ok with that now. Here are some adorable pictures of little Aria in October.